An R-Rated Review of Swear Words

Upfront notice to both readers of this blog (hi, J.R. and Annmarie): This post is of the confessional/diary type, not the usual commentary/literary type.

I've been swearing a lot recently. Don't worry about the mild mannered James you know, it has been mostly only in my head or under my breath. But, I'm curious about these common curse words -- of the "bs" and "mf" variety -- floating in my mind eager for an audible exit; why have they come suddenly upon me?

For some ten years I've made a practice of avoiding crude words (excepting the instinctive "shit" when I bang a body part against an uncomfortable surface). The catalyst was a scribbled note from a monk. While participating in the Self Knowledge Symposium spiritual community in college and after, I wrote an extended existential email whose contents I can't remember. The thing is it was circulated to an elderly monk at the Mepkin Abbey monastery in South Carolina. A printout of the email was returned with a few encouraging remarks from Father Christian scribbled in the margins about seeking God. He also circled a word (was it "fuck" or "fucking"?) and said something to the effect that such language was unnecessary and distracting. I was persuaded.

Insight followed action (or restraint from action, as it were). I noticed that friends and colleagues used swear words not so much to be vulgar but as to signal seriousness or authenticity. The implicit message was that if you broke out a swear word, you were either expressing a genuine emotion (e.g. "I'm fucking pissed off") or you were so world wearing that you couldn't be bothered with maintaining a facade of politeness (e.g., "his bullshit makes me sick"). The problem is swearing is easy. There is not the cost of actual genuineness nor the requirement of enduring real suffering. And so it is often cheap and sloppy communication, just the opposite of what it means to be -- never mind the deleterious effect on one's vocabulary of adjectives and adverbs.

(There is also the more serious discussion of actual cursing, i.e. damning, and real swearing, i.e. vow-taking. However, I leave that issue for both readers to ponder on their own; here I am referring only to the common use of "swearing" and "cursing" as speaking vulgar, impolite words.)

So am I repudiating my own wisdom by mumbling "motherfucker" as I workout at the gym or react to a minor inconvenience with "oh shit"? I hope not, so I'll propose an alternative. What I think is going on is that in holding my tongue I have also been swallowing my words. I have been not only not swearing but also not airing the kind grievances that swearing gropes at expressing. There's a place for grievances. They can be the first step in confronting an injustice. But there's also a risk. A grievance spoken aloud can be grounds for a legitimate rebuke. (Imagine the grievance that would provoke this rebuke, "You think I need to respect you more but you don't even take the time to greet me in the morning!" Or what about this one, "You want a raise but you're late to half the meetings you attend!") And the trouble is you usually don't know the result you speak the words. Being outraged is necessary, risky business.

So, for now I'll take my impulse to curse as a call to outrage. We'll see how it goes over with friends, family and co-workers....


Addendum: My wife notes that my swearing could equally well be explained by a more simple theory. We have been caring for two young boys for the last two and half years, sleep deprivation and all. That can make you frustrated. When you're frustrated you want to swear.